Oh, come the f*BUY SOME APPLES*k on!
Author: defender2222
The Sequel to 'Faith and Doubt'.
It's been two months since the changeling attack and Shining's almost-wedding and much has changed. Twilight Sparkle is now an alicorn and has left Equestria to master her new powers. The sixth element of harmony, the corrupt abstract Doubt, has been reborn in his original form: Faith. He, along with Spike, have gone with Twilight as she sought to heal after the betrayal by her friends and family.
But Twilight's return to Ponyville will not be a happy one; in her absence her friends Applejack, Fluttershy, Rarity, Rainbow Dash and Pinkie Pie have been turned into alicorns themselves and the embodiments of their elements. They have seized power and now rule Equestria with iron hooves, using banned magic to turn their friends and family into zealots that obey their every command.
To save Equestria, Twilight will have to do the unthinkable: form a rebellion and declare war on her friends.
But will she be willing to make the tough decisions... even if it means choosing between friendship and freedom.
Everything is bad in large doses.
Well, if that doesn't sound like the most unique, non-cliched setup for a story I've ever seen, I don't know what is! Let's review this sucker!
-whimpers-
There is no Celestia...
The Abundance (Word Count: 136,041 Oh, joy.)
I feel I should warn you now, this is going to be a long review. Then again, it's a long story, so it fits.
I guess.
A long time ago, in a galaxy far, far away, I did a review of a little story called Faith & Doubt. It was written by a talented author, defender2222, had decent mechanics, but had the worst characterization of Twilight Sparkle I've ever seen. Cue the epic flashback!
*wavy lines 'n stuff*
The basic problem with this story is that it's predicated on the fact that Twilight Sparkle is an immature, whiny moron.
*flash!*
This fic is operating under a plot device that Twilight was restraining feelings of anger, rage, and distrust until the wedding when she finally cracked.
*boom!*
"You're a loose cannon, Callahan! Your mouth's writing checks your body can't cash!"
*Kablooey!*
Bottom line? This story is crap.
*wavy lines once again*
So, yeah. Anywho, the story apparently was loved by most readers on FIMFiction, furthering my general disdain for humanity and the internet, so they wrote a sequel: The Abundance. Naturally, I said to myself, "Hell, I'm not touching this thing with a ten-meter cattle prod!"
Then, one day in the FOB Equestria offices:
You called, Commander Firebrand?
Yes, Tweak, I have a new assignment for you.
Lay it on me, boss, I'm completely free!
It's the sequel to Faith & Doubt.
-twitch- You, know, I got a lot on my plate. How about I... I, um... w-w-where did you get a flamethrower?
Fiery Joker...
...
...
Ah, Luna poop...
So, here we are! The Abundance! How does it measure up? It's all the exact same problems and three times the word count!!!
STORY: Following the cliched, overtly stupid events of the first story, Twilight, Spike, and Emo left on some quest of self-discovery or something. We see this happen, hoping beyond hope that Emo will mysteriously trip and fall into an active volcano that's erupting when a meteor hits it during a tsunami. Sadly, no.
This story opens with the trio returning to find Equestria in dire
straights, and not the kind that wants MTV. The first thing they see
upon arrival is Shining Armor getting the ever-lovin' crap beat out of
him by some guards. Of course! What better way to start the sequel to Faith and Doubt than to have even more ponies out of character! In this one, Shining Armor—you remember him, right? The badass captain of the Royal Guard who could keep an entire attacking army outside the city by himself? Yeah, here, he's a whiney, spineless wimp. Basically, Shining fills the role of Worf: his sole purpose is to get the ever-lovin' crap beat out of him mentally, physically, AND emotionally, just to emphasize how awesome the real heroes are.
So, you know, nothing's changed from the previous story!!!
So then we are treated to the wonderful plot twist of Twilight's friends taking over the world and establishing a new world order and calling themselves... The Queens. I poop you not. Anypony who resists them is brainwashed into being a mindless drone of harmony, which apparently manifests as schizophrenic voices screaming in your head giving you orders. Hey! Kinda like what Emo did in the first story!
We also learn that the new Queens have several generals. Who might these be? Why, the CMC, of course! Yes, folks, the Cutie Mark Crusaders are main villains in this. To add even more silliness to the pile, they have been aged up, because, you know, it would be impossible to take them seriously if they were just fillies. But, they still don't have cutie marks. Of course.
So then... then...
We also learn that the new Queens have several generals. Who might these be? Why, the CMC, of course! Yes, folks, the Cutie Mark Crusaders are main villains in this. To add even more silliness to the pile, they have been aged up, because, you know, it would be impossible to take them seriously if they were just fillies. But, they still don't have cutie marks. Of course.
So then... then...
I... I.... I can't do it anymore! I'm sorry, I just can't! I'm leaving!
-torched-
Tweak! Get your sorry flank back in there! That is an order!
Technically, in real life I outrank you and d**n it boss, why do you hate me so much???
Look, you reviewed the prequel, it's only fitting you review this one too. Besides, there's important exposition in the prequel that readers need to know in order to understand what's going on in this one.
That isn't good storytelling! A sequel must be able to stand on its own, and not have to use a prequel as a crutch!
All the more reason why you have to review this. Now, buck up ya big baby. It's not that bad.
Not that bad? NOT THAT BAD?!?! You might have a higher tolerance for excessive broody monologuing and constant "life is shades of grey" aphorisms being shoved down your throat but I don't!
Okay, look. How about this: I'll re-read the story, give you cliffnotes, and we'll review it together. Sound okay to you?
FINE! Just so long as I don't have to read another word of this pretentious GARBAGE! -slams door-
...wimp.
-a few days later-
Boy, Commander, you don't look so good.
That... was a lot harder to read the second time around.
-smirk-
WIPE THAT SMUG GRIN OFF YOUR FACE. AT LEAST I BUCKING READ THE WHOLE THING, TWICE.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, so you got the cliffnotes?
You're welcome, a-hole.
So let's see what we got here... -reads notes-
Well?
Pff.... heh... hehehe...
Tweak?
BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!
Okay... he's a bit incapacitated. I'll continue.
So, Twilight and co. try to find theRebel Alliance Varden Rebellion, and Faith goes off to the Canterlot archives to figure out what caused all of this. He finds that the Spirits of the Elements of Harmony possessed their bearers and set up this new world order of peace and harmony where nopony is sad or cruel. What stopped them from doing that earlier is beyond me, I guess it just didn't cross their minds at the time.
However, Faith is captured by Queen Fluttershy and Queen Rarity, and I use the word "captured" very loosely because he has every single pony there wrapped around his little hoof. Not in the comedic or character developing way, like in the show, just because he's that awesome. He meets Trixie and Cadance while in prison, and it's revealed that Cadance is being possessed by the former abstract of Doubt, and is bent on killing Faith and all he cares about because people forgot her name.
Let me go off on a small tangent here. Tetsuya Nomura, writer of the Kingdom Hearts franchise, stated in an interview that he (and I'm paraphrasing here) put plot twists in his story for the sake of adding plot twists. Now, if you follow my YouTube channel, you know I despise all of dear Mr. Nomura's writing, as his plot twists make me distrust anything that happens within his stories, and I will never forgive him for Dream Drop Distance. (Spoilers! Xehanort is Agent Smith!) The same thing was done here that happened halfway through Kingdom Hearts II: retconning everything we know about the villain in the first one as a flat out misunderstanding based off "incomplete" information. I REALLY hate when sequels do that. That's not clever, that's just bull. Why should I trust anything the author says, if he could retcon it just like that!
Continuing on, the rebellion goes to Winniepeg to find something that the Queens are trying to hide. Turns out to be Celestia and Luna, stripped of all their alicorn powers, including Earth Pony strength. However, Quee~ oh wait, the author decides to give a pointless recap of Faith and Doubt here ~then Queen Rainbow Dash shows up, says that the other Queens are on their way (which was a flat-out lie on the author's part), and fights Twilight. Now, this fight scene is actually pretty cool, which we'll get into later. However, Twilight has a moment of Deus Ex Machina and separates Rainbow Dash from the Abstract of Loyalty. Oh trust me, that Deus Ex Machina isn't getting old anytime soon.
Hold up, hold up!
What?
I have to raise an objection here. You claim the fight scene is pretty cool. Well, I actually read it, and while it may have had its cool bits, and served as an excellent metaphor for the story as a whole, the overall effect is ruined by incredible moments of stupidity. Here, it comes when Rainbow Dash shoots a sononnonnononoononnnnn........
Um, you okay?
Rainbow Dash shoots a soniiiiyiyiyiyiyiyiyiyiyiii......
Oh, yeah. This part...
*ahem* Nrgh... Rainbow Dash shoots a sonic rainboom out of her horn. I'll just let that sink in for a minute.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
SHE WHAT?!? HOW DOES THAT EVEN... HOW CAN Y... WHERE DI.... AUTHOR, YOU MUST BE THSISDJKHGFOLKESAGNDEFLKJHFONSADOUIJHSNDOFUIAWGBOF.....
Great job, author. You broke Tweak.
On the other side of the world, the prisoners break out using a ship Flam built for the Queens. The rebellion plans out how they are going to rescue other prisoners held in Cloudsdale, guarded by Commander Scootaloo and Loyalty. To cut a very long story short—
Too late.
Shaddup.
Make me.
Rainbow Dash shoots a sonic rainboom out of her horn.
DUIFJHAERIFUJKWAEBHFORSJEKFBNAWELJFLKNDSAFOIHJSKDFGBADILHWF....
—Loyalty is destroyed along with Cloudsdale, and Scootaloo becomes the new Loyalty abstract. Honesty and Applejack appear, defecting to the rebellion, but Pinkie Pie apparently followed, and put the entire rebellion into a deep dream sequence. Here we have multiple reveals, including Laughter was just masquerading as Pinkie Pie because Pinkie apparently never got corrupted. Well... That's a little unfair. Faith's love triangle with Trixie and Twilight is also cemented here, and it's revealed that Cadance's spirit is now inside Faith's body. Laughter is defeated and the "heroes" set their sights on Canterlot.
The Rebellion finally attacks against Canterlot. While things do seem one-sided at the start, Faith uses an "alicorn all the things" spell against Doubt's brainwashed army. Wow, Deus Ex Machina everywhere! Fluttershy finally splits up with Kindness, and Rarity goes into an emotional coma. It's here that Faith and Doubt (haha) fight. Doubt is removed from Cadance's body, and it's revealed that Doubt has apparently absorbed all of the powers from Discord, and Trixie becomes the new abstract of Doubt. All this fighting has summoned the gate of Diabolus Ex Machina, which will destroy all of existence for... no reason. Generosity sacrifices herself to destroy both the gate and Doubt. There is a chapter dedicated to the rebuilding of Equestria and a very... weird epilogue. Pinkie becomes the new abstract of Generosity, because... convenience, I guess. Discord becomes the abstract of Laughter... even though he died... and set up for sequel involving Celestia and Luna's heritage.
BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!
Okay... he's a bit incapacitated. I'll continue.
So, Twilight and co. try to find the
However, Faith is captured by Queen Fluttershy and Queen Rarity, and I use the word "captured" very loosely because he has every single pony there wrapped around his little hoof. Not in the comedic or character developing way, like in the show, just because he's that awesome. He meets Trixie and Cadance while in prison, and it's revealed that Cadance is being possessed by the former abstract of Doubt, and is bent on killing Faith and all he cares about because people forgot her name.
Let me go off on a small tangent here. Tetsuya Nomura, writer of the Kingdom Hearts franchise, stated in an interview that he (and I'm paraphrasing here) put plot twists in his story for the sake of adding plot twists. Now, if you follow my YouTube channel, you know I despise all of dear Mr. Nomura's writing, as his plot twists make me distrust anything that happens within his stories, and I will never forgive him for Dream Drop Distance. (Spoilers! Xehanort is Agent Smith!) The same thing was done here that happened halfway through Kingdom Hearts II: retconning everything we know about the villain in the first one as a flat out misunderstanding based off "incomplete" information. I REALLY hate when sequels do that. That's not clever, that's just bull. Why should I trust anything the author says, if he could retcon it just like that!
Continuing on, the rebellion goes to Winniepeg to find something that the Queens are trying to hide. Turns out to be Celestia and Luna, stripped of all their alicorn powers, including Earth Pony strength. However, Quee~ oh wait, the author decides to give a pointless recap of Faith and Doubt here ~then Queen Rainbow Dash shows up, says that the other Queens are on their way (which was a flat-out lie on the author's part), and fights Twilight. Now, this fight scene is actually pretty cool, which we'll get into later. However, Twilight has a moment of Deus Ex Machina and separates Rainbow Dash from the Abstract of Loyalty. Oh trust me, that Deus Ex Machina isn't getting old anytime soon.
Hold up, hold up!
What?
I have to raise an objection here. You claim the fight scene is pretty cool. Well, I actually read it, and while it may have had its cool bits, and served as an excellent metaphor for the story as a whole, the overall effect is ruined by incredible moments of stupidity. Here, it comes when Rainbow Dash shoots a sononnonnononoononnnnn........
Um, you okay?
Rainbow Dash shoots a soniiiiyiyiyiyiyiyiyiyiyiii......
Oh, yeah. This part...
*ahem* Nrgh... Rainbow Dash shoots a sonic rainboom out of her horn. I'll just let that sink in for a minute.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
SHE WHAT?!? HOW DOES THAT EVEN... HOW CAN Y... WHERE DI.... AUTHOR, YOU MUST BE THSISDJKHGFOLKESAGNDEFLKJHFONSADOUIJHSNDOFUIAWGBOF.....
Great job, author. You broke Tweak.
On the other side of the world, the prisoners break out using a ship Flam built for the Queens. The rebellion plans out how they are going to rescue other prisoners held in Cloudsdale, guarded by Commander Scootaloo and Loyalty. To cut a very long story short—
Too late.
Shaddup.
Make me.
Rainbow Dash shoots a sonic rainboom out of her horn.
DUIFJHAERIFUJKWAEBHFORSJEKFBNAWELJFLKNDSAFOIHJSKDFGBADILHWF....
—Loyalty is destroyed along with Cloudsdale, and Scootaloo becomes the new Loyalty abstract. Honesty and Applejack appear, defecting to the rebellion, but Pinkie Pie apparently followed, and put the entire rebellion into a deep dream sequence. Here we have multiple reveals, including Laughter was just masquerading as Pinkie Pie because Pinkie apparently never got corrupted. Well... That's a little unfair. Faith's love triangle with Trixie and Twilight is also cemented here, and it's revealed that Cadance's spirit is now inside Faith's body. Laughter is defeated and the "heroes" set their sights on Canterlot.
The Rebellion finally attacks against Canterlot. While things do seem one-sided at the start, Faith uses an "alicorn all the things" spell against Doubt's brainwashed army. Wow, Deus Ex Machina everywhere! Fluttershy finally splits up with Kindness, and Rarity goes into an emotional coma. It's here that Faith and Doubt (haha) fight. Doubt is removed from Cadance's body, and it's revealed that Doubt has apparently absorbed all of the powers from Discord, and Trixie becomes the new abstract of Doubt. All this fighting has summoned the gate of Diabolus Ex Machina, which will destroy all of existence for... no reason. Generosity sacrifices herself to destroy both the gate and Doubt. There is a chapter dedicated to the rebuilding of Equestria and a very... weird epilogue. Pinkie becomes the new abstract of Generosity, because... convenience, I guess. Discord becomes the abstract of Laughter... even though he died... and set up for sequel involving Celestia and Luna's heritage.
So yeah, the story is needlessly complex. Some twists only served to make the story more complicated when in the long run it didn't need to be. It feels like adding drama for the sake of adding drama. A love triangle between Faith, Twilight, and Trixie is introduced towards the middle, and plot-wise it's completely irrelevant to the outcome of the story. Oh wait, she does add pointless conflict between Twilight and Faith and provides convenient Deus Ex Machina at the final battle, but that's it.
And that's the biggest problem with this story. Deus Ex Machina appears all the time and solves almost every single conflict in this story. The way this story is written, it seemed that the writer made up the rules as he went along, which is very evident in the last three chapters where it pulls an apocalyptic scenario right out of nowhere and a solution that still puzzles me.
There's also an abundance (no pun intended) of plotholes. One particularly scathing example concerns Faith's escape from prison. They were able to outrun the Royal Guards because the guards "got lazy and fat" due to "excess of harmony."
As a member of the armed forces, this hit a bad note with me. One, all military services require all service members to undergo multiple annual physical fitness tests to ensure they are constantly deployment ready. After all, any service member will tell you how long they stay in the same place. Two, considering the perfection seeking values of this dictatorship and the fact that Queen Rarity in all her glorious prissiness is commanding them, I would expect these Guards to have some semblance of pride in their appearance. Three, they are fighting against the equivalent of modern-day insurgents, why would they lose their vigilance? The writer tries to mask this by saying they were in Canterlot where nothing ever happens. No offense to the writer, but he obviously has no idea how the military works. It doesn't matter whether it is peacetime or wartime; a warrior must be mission ready at ALL TIMES. Forgive me if I call foul.
STYLE AND GRAMMAR: Objectively, there really isn't anything wrong here. Aside from the occasional spelling error or misplaced quotation mark, Defender does have a solid grasp on correct grammatical structure. His show-vs-tell is very strong, giving us vibrant imagery and paints a clear picture of what's being seen and felt. Granted, what the characters see and feel is filtered through a lens of broody pretentiousness, but it's a clear picture nevertheless. See, we don't have a problem with the structure, grammar, or imagery. We take issue with his style of writing.
The first thing that bothers me is the tone. When the writer is telling me this story, I feel like he's talking down to me rather than to me. The characters say things that sound like "big revelations" when a lot of it is just common knowledge, so it comes off as patronizing. It really loves to repeat the whole "everything is bad in large doses" theme and the problem is nothing unique was done with this. I've seen this story a million times, and it was done much better in Star Wars, Batman, Bioshock, Code Geass, heck even South Park did something unique with this!
Ignoring the lavender unicorn syndrome (Oh, sorry, lavender alicorn or alicorn of the stars in this story), this fiction is about 70% exposition dialogue. Now, that's not inherently a bad thing. In fact, Death Note, one of the most popular mangas and animes of all time, is mostly dialogue and thought bubbles. The difference, however, is that Death Note's dialogue is about battles of wits, outlining their situations and plans of attack. The conversation fights in The Abundance seem to just be battles about who can be more highfalutin, what with characters always droning on about who is holier than the other. This wouldn't be such a problem if it didn't happen ALL THE TIME. There were times when I wanted to scream, "Just shut up and make out, already!"
Then there's the wording. When you start out reading fanfiction for the first time and you haven't really figured out how to read critically yet, you can completely ignore most of the flaws in fanfictions that are written like absolute crap. That being said, once you do figure it out and start noticing the flaws? IT'S ALL YOU NOTICE.
Take for example, this little exchange a day after the bombshell has been dropped on Twilight about the whole queens-brainwashing-dictatorship thing.
"I have to make jokes,” Twilight said softly. “Because if I don't laugh I'll cry.”
Shining stared at his sister's retreating form, heaving a sigh as all the frustration drained from him. "I am getting tired of upsetting her."
If you thought that dialogue was bad, I'm afraid to say there is much more where that came from and that was only the eighth chapter.
CHARACTERS:
Tweak, what are you doing?
Looking at my review of Faith and Doubt, seeing if I can't copypaste this section and get through this faster.
No, you can't do that.
Why?
Because there are new circumstances surrounding the characters. It would be illogical to assume it would be the same here.
Do they have the same flaws?
They're... worse.
Copy-paste, ahoy!
Hang on. There's some good characters in here.
The most interesting characters in this fic are the OC's. While most of them fall flat, some of them succeed. There is a definite attempt to diversify these characters, and it is actually done in a unique way here. Defender has given voice actors/actresses that he envisions voicing his characters, and it's fun to-
Which voice did he give Faith?
Tom Hardy, a.k.a. Bane from Dark Knight Rises.
And like that you've lost me.
Yeah, I hated that movie too, but you gotta admit, the voice-
Then again, they're both pretentious, so I guess it fits.
ANYWAYS, I personally found it fun to read the characters dialogue in the provided voices, sometimes out loud. Honesty, voiced by John Rhys-Davies (I know, lol), was fun to hear as the writer gave him and Faith extended moments to act off each other. Just read their banter in their respective voices and you will most likely be left in stitches. When the writer wanted us to hate a character, he did a very good job. The Abstract of Loyalty comes to mind, who pretty much exemplifies everything bad about what the villains stand for. Makes me wonder why they needed all five.
Others, however, are not good. Characters really have only two modes in this story: condescending "enlightened one" and spineless crying/emotional pushover. For a fic that parades on about the evils and consequences of dealing with extremes, it seemed very content to do it to its characters. I've lost track of how many times this exchange happened:
Character A is feeling sad/angry/scared.
Character B notices and makes snide remark.
Character A gets even more emotional.
Character B gives patronizing pseudo-philosophical statement.
Character A leaves and goes to ponder statement.
Getting back to the OC's, I was really hoping the Abstract of Laughter wasn't going to be drenched in cliched "Alice and Wonderland" motifs. It felt too easy. Generosity and Kindness are completely forgettable, us being given no room to know anything about these characters. This is largely due to the pitfall that most shonen anime falls into: there are just too many characters to keep track of. This may not seem like a big deal, but it is. Something bad happens to one of these characters at the end of this story and it is treated as if it is heartbreaking when readers have no connection to this character to feel any remorse.
The worst one is the main villain. Aside from the striking detail that the author goes to into letting you know how much this character constantly screws up, this character is, for lack of a better word, boring. She has no personality to connect to, her motivations are completely unidentifiable, and I can't think of a single good adjective to describe her personality. Really, her only "quirk" is that she hates being called crazy. I wouldn't call her crazy, I'd call her "inconsistent." One moment she's a sadistic, sarcastic, passive villain, the next she's a twirl-the-evil-mustache cackling villain, then she's a broody, emo, angry, crybaby villain.
The writer tries to disguise this by comparing the main villain's enormous "mood-swings" to other nihilistic misanthropes such as the Joker from Batman or Kefka from Final Fantasy VI, saying she was crazy and had no logic to her actions. While the Joker and Kefka are great examples of bats**t crazy villains just "wanting to watch the world burn," getting sadistic kicks out of their heinous acts, they at least have understandable reasons and purposes for their actions. Joker wants to let the entire world in on his sick perspective of the world and sees almost an artistic life to his chaotic actions. Kefka tried to force the notion that the only meaning in life was destruction and denied things like love and religion by asserting his status as a god and mocking the very notion of faith. The main villain of this story, conversely, just wants to end existence for no dang reason whatsoever. Okay, yes, she wants revenge on Faith for "stealing what was hers," but that doesn't make me care about something so abstract (no pun intended). It just makes her a Straw Nihilist choking on the Conflict Ball.
And that's pretty weak.
The same old problems from Faith and Doubt are here. First off is the gross mischaracterization of the main characters. While consistent from the previous story, it's still hindered by the fact that these characters don't feel authentic. This Twilight is the demonic combination of Cloud Strife and Bella Swan. The Twilight in the show has moments of depression and doubt, but she gets over them because she has her friends to lean on. This Twilight is a twit that WON'T STOP CRYING. As stated before, Shining Armor is a complete doormat, only existing to be verbally abused by Faith and Twilight. Spike is just sort of... there, and instead of his role being the anchor which pulls Twilight out of her insanity and depressed moments (like in the show), he's reduced to an arrogant tough guy with Incredible Hulk powers and his mantle is taken, and gloriously botched, by resident Gary Stu, Faith.
Emo.
Ignoring. He is the second problem with the characters. He is a Gary Stu, pure and simple. Let's review the checklist, shall we?
1. Very powerful in both skill and mind, even gains new unexplained powers when it's plot convenient.
Master manipulator and spellcaster. By all accounts, Laughter should have won their scuffle, but then the author pulls something out of hammerspace and makes him win.
2. Characters who don't like said character are given an unsympathetic portrayal, and characters who do like him are the characters we're supposed to like.
You can be sure anyone who badmouths Faith will get a stern lecture by Twilight.
3. Character always comes out on top. Even when captured, or something goes amiss, they still are at the top of the totem pole.
The entire prison arc. Everything works out for Faith, even the "Oh, I hope Twilight is going to be okay! I messed up!" bit. He didn't mess up, just something inconvenient happened to him and the stars aligned so that he gets more stuff out of it. He was in control the entire time.
4. Character has no big flaws with their personality, and if so, these flaws are meant to be endearing.
The writer tries to insist that Faith isn't perfect, and his flaw is that he's physically weak. Then comes the final battle and it becomes Goku vs Superman. So close, author. So close. There's also the fact that he's "humorously" unaware of pony culture, which really doesn't count as a flaw. That's like saying being a klutz is a flaw.
5. Character is a sex god.
Scores with both Twilight and Trixie, and all the mares in the rebellion want to bang him, which he is "humorously" unaware of.
I don't like Faith. He represents everything that is wrong with this story. He never does anything helpful unless it requires running his mouth. Whenever he does open his mouth, he always leaves a room more depressed than it previously was. Some Spirit of Faith.
Now we have the
OVERALL AWESOMENESS: I know I complained about the story fleshing out every single depressing detail of a characters thoughts and aspects, and yes, that's still a big flaw holding this story back. Refreshingly, in the fight scenes it actually works to its advantage. Example being the Battle of Winniepeg, where Alicorn Rainbow Dash and Alicorn Twilight duke it out. Suffice to say, I was glued to screen. After the battle was over, I noticed I was breathing heavily and my heart was pounding. Even though it was filled with really dumb dialogue and had a Deus Ex Machina solution, I didn't care. These fight scenes get to Asura's Wrath levels of absurdity. Yes, I actually turned on the fourth movement of Dvorak's "New World Symphony" while this was happening and you know what? It was pretty freakin' awesome.
Speaking of which, when this story is funny, by Celestia is it funny. Once you catch the characters in happy moments, the wit and dry humor is on par with the best of a Doctor Who episode. I say this unironically when I say I was convulsing on the floor with laughter when Faith screamed "I AM MONOLOGUING."
If I may break in for aother second.
*sigh* Sure, why not?
If you remember back to my F&D review, I started out by stating that defender2222 wrote one of my favorite comedies in the fandom, The Many Secret Origins of Scootaloo. I stand by that assessment, but it also points top the major reason why this story didn't work, and probably why F&D didn't either. The author is strong when it comes to comedy, but he has serious problems with drama, and it all comes down to characters. In a comedic setting, where one is allowed to branch far away from canon all in the name of comedy, the author's off-kilter interpretations of the characters shines as a high point. But in drama, you can't get away with that, and that is what nailed the coffin shut here. This author has no idea how to properly write any of the Mane Six!
That's nice. There are also a few times when the story becomes self-aware, example being when Faith taunts an ubered Sweetie Belle into attacking him and busts out of prison.
Trixie: "How did you know she would take the bait?"
Faith: "I'm bloody annoying as hell, my dear Trixie. Most ponies want to punch me."
Awww, was he thinking about us there? I'm touched. Then again, I want to punch Faith for other reasons-
BUT, that's really all we can say. The rest of it is just every bad, whiney, mopey moment from Faith and Doubt.
This is getting too long winded. Final thoughts, Tweak?
What do you think?!? It's Faith and Doubt with three times the word count, as I've said a billion times!!!
Well, I'm going to be a bit more merciful.
It's an improvement over Faith and Doubt.
Then again, it's not hard to improve on trash. I don't regret reading it, as there were some great moments, but then again, I do have a higher tolerance for this kind of story. If you are going to read this story, I'll give you a warning. Don't pay too much attention to what the characters are saying, your brain cells will thank you. It gets carried away, tries too hard to be dramatic, and takes itself way too seriously (which is pretty ironic considering the message it's trying to send). Still, when it has good moments, it has good moments, and those moments made the reading worth it for me. That being said, I do find this story hard to recommend. I suppose someone will have to make an abridged version...
...or cliffnotes.
Or, as I say:
You're a real nice guy, Tweak.
And you're a bleeding heart who can't say when something really sucks.
Rainbow Dash shoots a sonic rainboom out of her horn.
DUIFJHAERIFUJKWAEBHFORSJEKFBNAWELJFLKNDSAFOIHJSKDFGBADILHWF....
Semper Filly, and remember, the road to hell is paved with ostentatiousness.
