Futuristic humans in Equestria! How... original?
Author: Kriegor
A massive artificial behemoth made of metal tore through our skies. It loomed over our world, blotting out Celestia's sun and shrouding Luna's moon, leaving those below in the shadows. It sowed chaos and conflict on our nation, something that had not happened in more than a millennium.
It sits high above us, watching and waiting. What is this monster, and what is to be the fate of Equestria?
I Hate "Human in Equestria."
Machine And Might (Word Count: 112,388)
Let me just start by saying that nine times out of ten "Human in Equestria" is just the author writing themselves into the story and making clop out of it. Well, this is not one of those cases. This story actually does the whole human/pony interaction very well.
When the USS Vector appears in the atmosphere, it wreaks chaos and some humans have to go meet the locals (of course). Oh, the author makes a point to force SEVERAL jokes about how 'vectors' are a math term. I get it, you have at least a junior high school education. You are not clever, shut up.
Anyway, this is where the story gets annoying... The Diabolus Ex Machina appears; the Vector appearing suddenly sparks a war between Equestria and the griffons. The humans leave, war goes on, Equestria is losing... badly... when GUESS WHO COMES BACK TO SAVE THE BUCKING DAY. Deals are made, blah, blah, blah, and as you can expect, the humans end the war in about ten minutes.
So the good. I am going to retcon myself, the "Human in Equestria" is actually really well done. Perhaps the best I have ever read. The interactions are really well written; the reactions make sense. I even found myself chuckling when the ponies of Ponyville marched up with torches and pitchforks. It was thought out, it was well delivered, and perhaps most of all, it was believable.
Things go back to bad. Go to TvTropes, specifically the war page, and pick a trope. It WILL apply. Insert Coup D'tat human schism, war breaks out again. Here is where the story jumps the shark. EVERY POSSIBLE WAR CLICHE comes out. We see a Knight in sour armor, a General with scars (probably came from Pandora, obscure reference of the day). On that note, who would have guessed the guy covered in scars (which he can get rid of) would turn evil! Might as well give him red eyes, a cloak, and an evil theme song. There is also an Iron Man "rips the pilot out of his plane" scene, plasma weapons, air jousting, absurd cutting power, "Attack! Attack! Attack!", attack pattern alpha...
You know what? Just go to this page and read all the sub links. Do that, and you will understand what it is like to read this story.
The entire first half of the story is pretty nice, good in fact. The second half is like Metroid: Other M. It's best to pretend it does not exist. The entire reason for the humans to wage war is to return home. One side wants to preserve Equestria as much as possible, the other wants to strip the planet dry and move on. It drives the conflict, and even when Princess Luna tries to make peace, the scarred general cannot stop. He has to "finish what he started" which, you guessed it, meant bringing a bomb to the Vector. So things actually get better, they call a truce, but nope! DIABOLUS EX MACHINA! They cannot contact any ground forces and the bomb is armed! The only logical way to dispose of it? Throw it on your back and go into space!
Although it may not be much of a problem, I could easily see where the editing started to fall off. Places where the author missed commas, had extra paragraphs in dialogue, and just stupid mistakes that could be fixed, but just did not have enough people looking over it.
Sigh... Remember how I said the author has a junior high school level of math? The same cannot be said for their physics knowledge. There is no matter in space, little to no friction, and nothing to push on. There is no sound in space. The idea of an explosion so massive it shakes a planet while being the moon's distance away, and through a vacuum is just stupid, and would wipe out all life on the planet... and the Vector would be destroyed anyway. From a person smarter than the author, "It's first grade Spongebob!" I'm sorry, that was mean... screw that, I am not sorry.
And the ending... I am still raging. I am reminded of a quote:
"Evil is not doing bad things, evil is justifying the bad things we do."
Apparently, all it takes for you to be redeemed for starting a war that caused the death of millions, and wounding much more, is to sacrifice yourself with your own planet-shattering bomb. The evil commander becomes the hero by doing just that. This is horrible writing, with an ending justified to make everything okay.
And after? It just ends.
That's it.
It.
Just.
Ends.
It was doing so well, the characters were nice, the actions believable...
Okay, where is the applejack? I need to drink 'til I forget this story exists.
TL;DR
Yet to find a 'Human in Equestria' that DOESN'T make me want to kill myself...
