IT HAS BEEN BROUGHT TO MY ATTENTION THAT THIS STORY HAS BEEN REMOVED FROM FIMFICTION. IF ANYONE HAS A LINK WHERE IT MAY BE FOUND, PLEASE LET US KNOW VIA EMAIL.
'Sup my military bronies? Spangle here with another review... yes I still do these! Especially when the story is about the US Air Force!
This story was recommended to me by one of my fellow Airmen, to whom I can only say "What did you just make me read."
Author: Twystron500
I'm not joking. This is close to how it really is! The insanity that I deal with everyday! This story definitely deserves the random tag. It's also loosely based on true events in my life. Rainbow Dash is the leading Senior NCO of a Com squadron. Pinkie's this spastic Technical Sergeant. Twilight is a grumpy Master Sergeant. Fluttershy is the adorable Commander. Yay.
What do I mean by that comment? Find out after the jump!
I seriously don't know what just happened. This story starts at normal, starts getting a little crazy, then turns into all-out ridiculous. Sure, there are elements of realism that I can pick out, but this is not how my squadron behaves on a daily basis... though, I kind of wish it did. Sir, I don't know what Air Force you're in, but may I join it? Don't get me wrong, I definitely see the aspects of "the real Air Force" throughout this story it's just... wait a minute, these are Com guys. Well then, from the stories I hear about them, all this crazy is entirely plausible. Never mind then. As you were.
Now, I do have to put a slight disclaimer at the beginning of this one. The author is somewhat crass/course in their selection of dialog, so there may be a few words here or there that offend you. Case in point, the word "Retards" is thrown in there at one point. If you're a ruff n' tuff military guy (or gal) who doesn't care about that sort of thing, then I have nothing more to say on the matter. Otherwise, this story might not be for you.
As the description states, we basically follow Rainbow Dash through one of her typical Air Force days. In terms of originality, this one's definitely got it. I can't say that I've read any other stories really like this one. Sure, it's ponies in the Air Force, which has been done before, but I haven't seen many (or any others at all, really) that cover a "normal" day in the Air Force. Even if I had, I don't think they would be much like this one.
In terms of writing, this story does a decent job. I mean, it has it's issues, sure. A few grammar things here, a misspelling there, a bit of clunky dialogue, but overall? Not even close to the worst I've read. I do, however, love the use of very recognizable phrases. Not to mention the use of Airpony instead of Airman. And a part of me cringed when Rainbow Dash said, "Have a wonderful Air Force day." The author certainly knows his Air Force lingo. He even used the term dirt bag Airpony (aka DBA) to describe one of the characters! Which brings me to my next point...
The characters. Honestly, this was my biggest issue with the story. SERIOUSLY, WHAT THE HAY! Some of the Mane 6 act like... well, like they aren't the Mane 6. The best way I can describe it is the author slightly changed their personalities to what he believed they would be like if they were to actually join the military, go through boot camp, and work several years in an Air Force job. The best example of this I can think of is Dash. She comes across as more abrasive than we would expect and a little over-the-top when it comes to her shenanigans... yes, I just used that word. Deal with it. Back to what I was saying, I did find myself asking why the author didn't just use OCs instead at one point. It's not story breaking, but it's distracting.
When it came to painting a picture, the author did well overall, though there was one specific instance where he violated the "Show, Don't Tell" rule, but it wasn't too large of a deal. I felt that, for the most part, he described what needed it and didn't go overboard to where it distracting from the story being told... yes, you can have TOO MUCH description. I've seen it. But that's enough about that.
Now for the final part, the plot... not that kind of plot. Well, I suppose there's plenty of "mackin' on mares" in this story to the point of it getting ridiculous, but this story in general was flat out crazy. I can't say it has a deep or thought provoking message, only that it has some semblance of a logical flow to it. The one overarching thought I had in this story was, "Well, that escalated quickly." It definitely goes for the shock and awe factor... and has good effect on target. Humor is this story's biggest strength.
All in all, I have to say that if you're looking for a quick one shot read, this will probably satisfy your need. You'll get in a good laugh and not be left with any unresolved questions at the end... well, other than the obvious "What did I just read?" but that's to be expected... ratings below:
| Originality: | 5 out of 5 rounds. |
| Composition: | 3.5 out of 5 rounds. |
| Characters: | 2 out of 5 rounds. |
| Imagery: | 4 out of 5 rounds. |
| Plot: | 3 out of 5 rounds. |
| Relatability: | 4 out of 5 rounds. |
| Overall: | 3.6 out of 5 rounds. |
This story is definitely part ponies, part real life Air Force, and all crazy. Time for me to punch out!
SEMPER FILLY!
