CRAAAAAAWLLIIIIIINNNG IIIIIIIINNNNN MY SKIIIIIINNN!!! THESE WOOOOOUUUUNNNDDDDSS THEY WIII—
Oh.
.
.
.
.
Uh... sorry.
Author: defender2222
There has always been a little voice in Twilight Sparkle's head, whispering dark musings to her. And until her brother's wedding, she has managed to push those bitter thoughts away and focus on the good. She forgives and forgets and holds onto hope.
But when her friends turn their backs on her and her brother cuts her from his life, Twilight finds herself alone, with only the little voice to comfort her.
And it is through anger and hate that has been repressed for so long that Twilight finds the power to rise up. Harmony and Friendship have only brought her pain and suffering. It is time for her to embrace her dark side. No longer will she worry about what others think. Twilight is going to live her life how SHE chooses: without friends, without family, without love and without harmony. She is going to cut loose, have fun, and screw what others think.For her friends and family, it will soon become apparent that if they don't find a way to mend the damage they've done to the lavender mare...Twilight Sparkle might be lost to them forever.
Okay, y'all, fair warning: I'm about to get heated. So before I go off, I
want to start off by assuring you that this isn't some vendetta against
the author. Defender2222 actually wrote what I think is one of the
funniest stories in the fandom, The Many Secret Origins of Scootaloo.
It's ridiculous, over-the-top, absurd, hilarious, and was one of my favorites... until it went about ten chapters too long.
However, I can honestly say that this is one of the worst fics I have ever read. I have never been so ticked off
by a story before in my life. Seriously, this fic sent me into full-on,
hardcore, the-Doctor-is-half-human, Greedo-shot-first nerd rage! Why?
Oh, just read.
STORY: Twilight Sparkle is being an emo jackass,
and her friends have to stop her from being emo, or else she'll get so
emo that she'll actually become Emo, all because Emo has gotten so emo
that he wants to die.
Folks, I wish I was making this crap up!
Okay, a bit more in depth, then. The story takes place after the last
scene in A Canterlot Wedding Part One, when Twilight goes all nutso on
Cadance and nopony believes her. But, instead of Chrysalis sending her
down to the caves, Twilight goes back to her room and mopes. While listening to her Hawthorne Heights album and applying black lipstick wallowing
in self-pity, a voice that she has apparently heard all her life but
we've never seen until now (I guess "schizophrenia" isn't a character
trait worth mentioning), tells her that her family doesn't really love
her, her friends don't care about her, blah, blah, blah. So, being the
rational, intellectual genius we know her to be, she summons dark magic,
gets drunk, crashes the wedding, almost kills Shining Armor, and beats
the tar out of Chrysalis.
Following that is a bunch of scenes showing Twilight being emo and
whining, all the while attacking her friends, shunning their attempts to
apologize, and eventually becomes a dark alicorn. Well, of course! It
wouldn't be an "emotional Twilight" fic if she DIDN'T ascend to Godhood,
now would it? Gotta check that cliche box, too, ya know? I'd go into
more detail, but it all ties in to the next bit...
CHARACTERS: And here is where I really lose my sh...
sh-shoes. The basic problem with this story is that it's predicated on
the fact that Twilight Sparkle is an immature, whiney moron. Okay, try
and follow this: in this story, Twilight is upset that her friends
"abandoned her" after she burst into the wedding rehersal ranting like a
lunatic and accusing the goddess of love of trying to kill her brother.
I mean, the nerve! Doesn't she know that trying to kill Shining Armor
is Twilight's job?! Anyway, she's all mad, but she constantly refuses
their attempts at apology, because "it's not for the right reason!" More
than that, when they ask for the real reason, I poop you not, Twilight
throws the "If you don't know, then just forget about it" argument at
them. Yes, folks. Twilight Sparkle has gone from nerdy genius and savior
of all the world to angry girlfriend. Thank you, author.
But wait! There's more! So, okay, she's mad that her friends refused to
believe her when she said the pony they just met is a bad guy and side
with her over their best friend. Hmm, why does that sound familiar? Oh,
maybe, and I'm just spitballing here, but maybe it's because that's the main conflict of "Griffon, The Brush Off!!!"
You remember that one, right? Where Twilight refused to believe Pinkie
Pie that the new pony (griffon) they just met was a bad guy and sided
with her over her best friend?! So, not only is Twilight an emo moron,
she's also a bleeding hypocrite!
Next up, we got the main "bad guy," Emo. Okay, they don't CALL him Emo,
they call him "Doubt." He's a black alicorn (of course) with a physical
body made up of broken mirrors, he cries incessantly, and constantly
tells Twilight that her family doesn't really love her. He's Emo. I call
him the "bad guy" because his allegiance changes like fives times
before the big "Vhat a tvist" ending, which only serves to heat my
searing hatred for him. He claims several times that he "only wants to
help Twilight deal with her issues." Really, guy? So, instead of having
her sit down and have a calm, rational, five-minute conversation with
her friends and family to smooth everything over, he tells her to get
hammered and almost kill her brother. Folks, this is the stupidest plan I
have ever heard, and I've been in the Army for nine years!
But wait! There's more! When his reason for doing all of this is revealed to be totally selfish, all her friends and family are okay with it! Oh, sure, they protest a bit at first, but they eventually accept it, thinking it's just Twilight's destiny. No!! No, it's not! The only reason any of this is happening is because Emo made it happen!
All the hardships and pain these ponies have gone through are because
of him being selfish. But I guess it's okay. I mean, he only wants
Twilight to take his place and leave them forever. Not asking much!
But it's not just these two. This story is nothing more than the main
characters playing hot potato with the Idiot Ball. Emo is constantly
spewing the most nonsensical, pseudo-philosophical crap I've ever read,
and nopony calls him on it! Every time Twilight spits some whiny,
half-baked reason why everything is really their fault, they just roll
over and take it! For serious, this story could have been about three
sentences long if somepony had just slapped Twilight in the face and
told her to calm down (which actually happened via frustrated
Applejack)! And another thing. Again, in this story, Chrysalis doesn't
send Twilight to the cave directly after her psycho moment. Now, we're
not told how long it was between that and the actual wedding, but it was
long enough for Cadance to have a musical number, so at least a few
hours. You're telling me that in that time, not one of Twilight's
friends and family, who saw her in tears as they left, not one of these
ponies ever thought, "Hm, maybe we should go check on Twilight, our best
friend/daughter/sister. She seemed kind of upset." Uh, yeah. No.
STYLE AND GRAMMAR: Here is the only place where this story earns
some points. It's got a decent level of polish on it. I noticed very few
spelling errors or grammatical derps. One or two switched tense
problems, but nothing too bad.
And where it gets those point taken right back is the dialogue. Not all
of it, but the bits that are bad are bad enough to tank the whole thing.
Here's an example:
Applejack: “I need to talk to my friend.”
Twilight: “Is that what we are? Is that what we ever were?”
Tweak: *facedesk*
Seriously, Ewe Boll couldn't write dialogue this dumb! And again, not
all of it is like that, but still. Writing a line like that should have
made the author go, "Hey, wait a second..." Again, Defender2222, you're a
good writer. You're better than this.
OVERALL AWES— No. You know what? No. Just... just no. Look, this
story is based one one question: "If Chrysalis hadn't taken Twilight
down to the caves, could this have happened?" And no, no it's couldn't
have.
This fic is operating under a plot device that Twilight was restraining
feelings of anger, rage, and distrust until the wedding when she finally
cracked. We have NEVER seen this in the show! One of the fun things
about fan fiction is reading alternate takes on situations and
characters. But this one takes it too far. In the comments, the author
states that he has been in this kind of situation before. Being mad at
his family, not becoming a dark alicorn. At least I hope not. Anyway,
author, that's great! Or not, rather. I'm sorry you had to go through
that. But the main point is this: You are not Twilight Sparkle! If you
wanted to tell this story, use some OCs. But trying to cram these
characters into situations that they just would not get into is not good
storytelling, it's wish fulfillment.
The biggest issue here is Twilight being completely out of character.
The author tries to cover this by saying she was being manipulated by
Emo, but this doesn't work because in the story, Emo actually says that
all of the actions taken by Twilight were her, not him. But even then,
someone being influenced is not an excuse for slapping an entirely new
personality on a character we know and love.
Okay, this is getting too long. Bottom line: the story is crap.
Author? Drop. You? Avoid fic. Me? Motrin. From front to rear, disappear.
