Time to review a submission! This one's been in the wings long enough... probably a little too long if I'm being honest. Hey, we still got to it didn't we? Check out what's about.
Author: PonyGuy73
Royal Guard's perspective? Hmm.... Review inbound after the break!"Milk Run to Ponyville" is a re-telling of parts of the pilot episode through the eyes of one of the Pegasus Guards, who I've arbitrarily given names to. As such, this is not tagged as an OC submission, because I'm not changing the actions of those characters; I'm just giving them a voice and some extra background. It intentionally stops at the beginning of pt.2 of the pilot, since that's the last time we see the Pegasus Guards in that episode.
Milk Run to Ponyville
This story is a simple one shot from the perspective of one of the Pegasus Guards that we see in the very first episode of our beloved series. I'm not sure what I was really expecting from this submission, but I certainly was surprised when I was done reading it. I mean, I normally don't put a lot of stock into one shots... mostly because a lot of them have a habit of not giving the reader enough to truly enjoy the story. Just speaking from experience. A quick disclaimer, this is rated "Teen" on FIMFiction for a reason, so if you don't like a little rough language (nothing too bad, I promise) then you might want to weigh your options.
His name is Marne Wing, and he's your typical "I've been doing this job for too long" kind of soldier. Does he still love his work? Yes, but it's to the point where it's a love-hate relationship sort of thing. We're given some background on who this pony is, what his personality is like, and what it's like being a Royal Guard for the Princess at all of her appearances. That's all we get, but I felt it was enough to make the story work. Have there been stories about Royal Guards before? Yes. Have they covered a specific event in the mundane life of just some grunt working protection detail? Not really, and it's surprisingly interesting.
One thing I have to say that really surprised me was how well the author managed to capture the military attitude. This guy has either been in the military or has a lot of friends in the military to the point where he acquired a good feeling for the military atmosphere. Everything from the way that Marne talks and interacts with his wingpony, Bright Wing, to his attitude towards the general public when it comes to doing his job. There's even some lingo in there that I wouldn't expect unless the writer was in the service. Points to you, PonyGuy.
Another aspect that really made this story score high marks with me was the writing. I don't know what exactly caused it, but after reading, reviewing, and writing fan fiction, I started to just hate bad writing. I mean HATE it. This guy? He nails it. I mean, there might be a grammatical derp here or there, but overall? It flows nice and smooth. It made me happy to read something where I didn't have to stop and think "What did I just read?" every other paragraph.
Finally, there are just some subtleties that really add to this story; some of which you can't quite place. One you can, though, is the way Bright and Marne complain about having to transport Twilight to Ponyville, having no idea that she's Shining Armor's sister (they do know him, though). You know what? Why should they? Makes perfect sense they would be oblivious to that fact. Like I said, it's the little things.
My perception? This author had an idea in his cross hairs and hit the mark perfectly. Could he have added a little more background or more narration and events to this story? Yes, but that would have changed the focus dramatically. This was meant to be a simple story about the events of the first episode of MLP from the eyes of one of the Royal Guards, not some epic tale of adventure. Adding more would have simply taken away from that focus. It's clean and concise, and it works. Ratings below:
| Originality: | 4.5 out of 5 rounds. |
| Composition: | 4.5 out of 5 rounds. |
| Characters: | 4.5 out of 5 rounds. |
| Imagery: | 4.5 out of 5 rounds. |
| Plot: | 4.5 out of 5 rounds. |
| Relatability: | 4.5 out of 5 rounds. |
| Overall: | 4.5 out of 5 rounds. |
When it comes down to it, I can't think of anything to specifically complain about this story. There is some small things here and there, and a part of me wishes the author had figured out some way to keep it going, but it's still a damn fine job and one of the best one shots I've ever read. SO GO READ IT!
SEMPER FILLY!
