*sniff* Oh, dear Celestia...*sob*....... Uh, OH! H-Hey guys! I didn't, uh...*sniff* didn't see you there! What, this? Oh, it's nothing. *sniff* I just, um... got dust in my eye! And, I'm... allergic to, uh... s-stuff.
DON'T YOU JUDGE ME!!
Author: The Descendant
September 17th, 1862 became the single bloodiest day in American history when a battle was fought along the Antietam Creek near Sharpsburg, Maryland.
Yesterday, Fluttershy hummed happily as she watered her garden.
The two events are not unrelated.Will this story survive the wrath of the Drill? Find out after the jump!
The Youth in the Garden
It's been said that the mark of a truly great story is one that connects emotionally with the reader. If a fiction can make you laugh, cry, freak out, then the author has done his job, some would say regardless of whether you liked it or not. Now, some emotions are harder than others to invoke. It is notoriously hard to frighten someone via printed word, tension is hard to come by, and comedy is arguably the hardest thing to pull off right in a book. On the other side of the spectrum are what I like to call, "Da Feelz." For some reason it is very easy to tug at heartstrings (even easier if you have the infamous plushie of her...). That being said, there are some stories that do it much better than others. Case in point, this one.
STORY: The story follows two main characters: Fluttershy and Private Allorian Basset, a young soldier fighting for the Union during the American Civil War. Right there, the author wins some cool points from me. Soldier in Equestria is dang-near its own genre at this point, but I've never heard of a soldier from a historical war making the jump. Descendant, good on ya, mate!
Fluttershy has been having some odd and disturbing dreams. Images of plumes of white smoke, loud pops and explosions, and the smell of death haunt her sleep. On the other side of the dimension/world/portal/whatever, Private Basset is marching towards the Battle of Antietam. These two worlds collide thanks to our old friend Quantum. Again, Quantum is when the author doesn't feel like explaining how things work, like how a soldier from Earth ended up in the middle of Fluttershy's daffodils. But, unlike the last story I reviewed, the actual link between the worlds isn't a vital plot device, so it gets a pass. Also, I refuse to spoil anything, but once you read what happens when Basset "leaps," you won't mind it either.
CHARACTERS: Right off the bat, I give massive props to the author for using an actual soldier from the Civil War. The whole story we think it's just some random OC guy, but at the very end is a picture of the real Private Basset's name, listed as MIA after the battle. It adds an odd bit of realism that really has no right to be there, but it works much to the story's credit, especially since you don't learn until the end. Private Basset feels just as real as he should. He's a young man from New York, he misses his mom, questions the purpose of the war, all the things we think a Civil War soldier would think. As we see the horrors of battle through his eyes, you can feel that sense of panic that hits right before a fire fight. The author does an extremely good job of capturing the feel of old-school war. It's a little unnerving, honestly. It's obvious that he is a Civil War buff; the level of detail is amazing, from the uniforms, the terrain of Antietam, and the units involved. It's quite clear this is near and dear to his heart. The inclusion of pictures throughout the story was a bit odd, if only for the selection. I understand showing diagrams of the battle space, but why show Fluttershy in her bed? Plus, why show pictures of something you just described to us? It adds realism, yeah, but if it were any other author, I'd call it lazy.
My only complaint in the character department is, in my opinion, the author over-Fluttershy'd Fluttershy. He does something that really ticks me off in pony fiction. When Fluttershy speaks, no matter what the context or situation, she stutters like a broken record. I think it's a rule of pony fiction that a typical line of Flutter-dialogue must contain no less that fifty dashes and twenty-seven ellipses. This story isn't that bad, but she does stutter even in the most normal of situation, like talking to herself. And by Celestia's flaming backside, does she talk to herself in this story.
STYLE AND GRAMMAR: The Descendant is a somewhat-popular author in the fandom, having written some very well-known stories, and as such his grammar is top notch. I couldn't notice any major derps as far as punctuation of spelling. And to be honest, I'm not sure it would have detracted from the overall story. Also, he is very descriptive in his writing.
There is one issue, but I'm a little hesitant to bring it up because I have no clue how it could be done better. The first two chapters suffer from "emotional whiplash." We'll be following Fluttershy going about her day, watering plants, feeding animals, then suddenly we're in the middle of a war. Grim, death, destruction then BAM! Shiny, happy ponies! It was a little jarring. The pace suffers a bit as well, since we'll be looking at a frantic infantry charge, then Fluttershy snuggling with Angel Bunny. But like I said, I'm not sure how it could have been done better. Having one chapter be only Fluttershy and one being only Basset would have seemed disjointed, so I guess I'm going to let this slide.
OVERALL AWESOMENESS: I only have one big issue with this story, but since I will not spoil, I can't really talk about it. I'll say this, though: the circumstances surrounding Basset coming to Equestria, what happens before and after, is something that I don't think has been done before, and I think for good reason. It seems a little... pointless.
This story... man, this story. Look, I know that we, as military guys and gals, are supposed to be rough, tough bad-flanks who eat lightning and crap thunder. Heck, I'm a Drill Sergeant! I'm supposed to be devoid of compassion and feed off the tears of privates! But this story got to me. Private Basset feels so real that what happens at the end really hit me. I connected with him, and it made the ending that much more powerful. Now, I don't cry anymore, mainly because they cauterized my tear ducts at Drill Sergeant School, but I came real close when reading this story. Again, I refuse to spoil anything, so I'll say this: when Basset starts singing, you will shed manly tears of manliness. Full stop.
Final vote? This story was great. Not one of the best ever written, not even the best in the fandom, but it's one that should have more views than it does. Everypony deserves a good cry every now and then, and if you're in the mood for some "b'aww," then give this one a looksie. It hits ya right in da feelz, and earns itself the Brown Round Seal of Approval!
Congratulations, author, you don't fail at life! Now if you'll excuse me, I need to go dry my eyes. Becasue of my allergies. And dust. And..... S-SHUT UP! From front to rear, disappear!
